Monday, August 26, 2013

From Cancer to Creative! A Very Short Story....

Seeing Clearly, Acrylic on Wood by Rolando  Chang Barrero
 Freedom from illness, drug addiction, apathy and hate 

As of late my life has be scrutinized a bit more then usual, so here it is....
3 videos recently released about artist Rolando Chang Barrero (see below)

Rolando Chang Barrero, ActivistArtistA Gallery Director may supports many causes, but his experiences with brain cancer, drug addiction, and homophobia give him a voice and a tale worth considering.  If you too find yourself in the throws of an inexpicalabe downward spiral you can solace in the fact that we do recover, we do get better and that giving time time life balances out.

Honesty, an open mind, and the willingness to accept that there is alot of ingnorance in regard to illness, and addictions helpped me survive the most challnging derailments in my life. That the brain cancer I had was not punishment for a carefree life, it was simply a disease for which there was no know cure for (at that time), only treatmetments and eventullay surgery --with little chance of surviving.

 I obviously made it through the surgery and was faced with all too many complications. It was made clear that I would eventually die or live with deficits that would worsen as time went on. I thought I was not capable to live this way, I could not accept it, I was wrong, I am going on 30 years living with residual tumors, tremors, seizures and the like...most only visible to those closest to me. I have leaned to ask for help in my daily life, refused being on disability, I live, I work, and I handle with my limitations as they come.

 It was not easy to get here.

 My successful careers (plural) came to a halt at 34, The following 10 years would dark and painful, Cancer survivorship was something I did not choose, nor did I want it! At first I would not sleep out of fear that I would not wake up. Eventually sleep would come and I would wake up damming God and every saint that I was not allowed to die peacefully in durning the night. The anger did not subside, so I kept rereading the Elizabeth Kubler Ross book "On Death and Dying" to see what I was doning wrong, My prescrptions for pain, for seizures, --for this and for that stopped working.

 Eventually I took to the feel good drugs I was familiar with from my better days of celebrating good fortune and success hoping I could put together at least 2 days of releif. Booze helpped a bit, then came cocaine, then heroin, crystal the came the asylums, the jails, and eventually prison. My charges were all over the board, but the basis of them all was selfloathing, and apathy toward everything. I had lost all affect...I was souless and incohearent, a danger to myself and everyone.

I eventually found my way into treatment to deal with the many life issues that once alluded me.... Here is the video created By Jacques de Beaufor that was recntly relased on my present life:

Studio Vérité: Rolando Chang Barrero from Jacques de Beaufort on Vimeo.

Amoung the many sources that provided assistance for me were: Hospitlization, Detox Centers, Rehabilitation Centers, 12 Step Programs, and Relgious Affiliations.

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